


but i die without you

by chrysanthemumbell



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Art, Bittersweet, Bittersweet Ending, Digital Art, Friendship, Heavy Angst, Inspired by Your Name, Keith (Voltron) Angst, Keith (Voltron) Dies, Keith/Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Angst, Lance (Voltron) Dies, M/M, Poetry, Post-Canon, Sick Lance (Voltron), Song Lyrics, Song fic, inspired by Kimi No Na Wa
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-28
Updated: 2018-04-28
Packaged: 2019-04-16 20:22:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,389
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14172684
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chrysanthemumbell/pseuds/chrysanthemumbell
Summary: In one world, Lance loses Keith. In another, Keith loses Lance. In both worlds, with the universe safe, they go home to mourn those lost to war. At twilight, the most peculiar things may happen. What happens when the two worlds cross? (inspired by Your Name/ Kimi no na wa and Without You from RENT)All art is by me! (I would have liked to have made more but unfortunately I never got around to finishing art for the entire story. Hopefully you still enjoy it anyway!)





	but i die without you

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically all angst, so... yeah, that's my warning. Enjoy!

[ _Without you_ ](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yg7Ctl1ftTk) _, the ground thaws_

_the rain falls_

_the grass grows_

 

_-_

 

Keith has never liked spring. The world struggling to wake up from a long slumber, the cold and dreariness lingering long after. Some associate spring with new beginnings and a rebirth of the world, but Keith wishes the season would get a move on and skip right to summer. He’s always been impatient like that.

 

He remembers a certain boy telling him, as they watched a million stars twinkle in an endless expanse of space, that his favorite season was spring. Keith had been sure it would be summer — overwhelming and warm, a season of freedom and fun — but it was spring. Looking back on it, perhaps it made sense. Keith’s favorite season has always been autumn. _He_ had told Keith it was the rain, the way everything was coated with droplets of dew in the morning, the fresh smell after a night of rain, how the replenished green sprouts gleamed, and the colorful rainbows that were sometimes left behind. It was a sign that better things are coming. It was hope. And it was fun too, _he_ had joked, to splash in the puddles.

 

Keith couldn’t get those words and those blue eyes out of his head, no matter how many times he willed himself to sleep, so now he’s on an early morning walk. The boy was right — the world is tranquil and silent in a way he’s never imagined, somehow magical, as if time had stopped and the world is holding its breath in anticipation. Glittering droplets adorn the budding tree branches and grass. The world smells fresh. And a faint hint of a rainbow arcs over the sky. There are puddles, too, and Keith experimentally dips the toe of his boot in the water so a tiny splash ripples across the puddle. The puddles are like mirrors embedded in the thawing ground, reflecting an array of colors as the sun rises above the horizon. It’s one of the most breathtaking sights Keith has ever seen, and his stomach is weighed down by guilt.

 

_He_ would have liked it. Keith’s hand reaches out beside him for a soft hand that isn’t there. Spring is supposed to mean new beginnings. But Keith can’t move on if _he_ ’s not here with him.

 

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141062530@N06/41162989151/in/dateposted-public/)

 

When Keith returns from his stroll and Shiro asks why his face is wet, Keith blames it on the rain.

 

-

 

_Without you, the seeds root_

_the flowers bloom_

_the children play_

 

-

 

Lance has always loved spring. The world finally rising gloriously from its rest, revived and reborn like a phoenix rising from the ashes. Even the freezing, bitter cold of winter can’t keep the Earth from rising.

 

He currently sits on the porch, watching as his younger siblings squabble harmlessly amongst themselves, yelling and laughing and skipping, lost in their imaginations and unburdened by reality. He chuckles and ruffles his brother’s hair, feeling older than he actually is. His sister tugs him along to the flower bed, where she is patting seeds into the dark soil using a metal trowel. Lance helps her plant them until at least ten unborn plants are ready to sprout.

 

His eyes trail to his mother’s [flowers](https://www.mirror.co.uk/news/uk-news/you-wearing-your-poppy-correctly-6808864). Red poppies are neatly planted in rows, already in bloom despite it still being early spring.

 

“Do you know what my teacher said about poppies?” Lance’s sister asks innocently, doe eyes wide.

 

 Lance decides to humor her. “What did your teacher say?”

 

“The red is to honor those who sacrificed their lives for war.”

 

_A flash of red, as the paladin shields Lance from the shot. Red everywhere as the bullet goes straight through the heart. Red spilling from_ his _mouth as_ he _frantically tries to tell Lance that_ he _loves-_

 

“The black is to symbolize the mourning of their loved ones.”

 

_The black paladin screaming, sobbing, breaking his calm composure as he mourns his best friend. The inky black of space seeming so wide and empty without_ him _at Lance’s side. The black of_ his _dumb mullet as Lance sees_ him _for the last time, looking eerily peaceful as the lid closes forever-_

 

“And the green leaf represents everything healing after the destruction of the war.”

 

_Finally stepping into Earth’s green, green, grass, smelling the fresh air and breathing it in. Reuniting with his family once again, feeling the happiest he had in a while. And wishing_ he _was here with him to see it-_

 

“Are you… crying?”

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141062530@N06/26290675187/in/dateposted-public/)

 

“Yeah,” Lance says simply, not bothering to hide the tears streaming down his cheeks. “Thanks. For telling me, I mean.”

 

“Here, Lancey Lance! I picked one for you,” Lance’s sister says sweetly. Lance bends down and hugs her tightly.

 

-

 

_The stars gleam_

_the poets dream_

_the eagles fly_

_without you_

 

-

 

Keith crumples yet another paper in his hand and tosses it in the general direction of the trash bin with the others. His hand shakes and the pencil snaps in half, but Keith barely notices. His eyes are trained on the view outside the window.

 

The last of the desert’s few creatures have disappeared, a last eagle soaring through the evening sky. Stars are starting to become visible as the sun disappears behind the horizon. Keith and Shiro recently moved back into Keith’s desert shack, though Shiro insisted that they clean it up and make it decent.

 

The stars gleam, and Keith remembers.

 

_He_ used to tell Keith about every constellation in the night sky. Keith had always wanted to go to space, but actually learning about the lore behind it wasn’t really his forte — he had no patience to learn about every single one. But somehow _he_ had made them sound like the most fascinating thing in the world, eyes sparkling just as brightly as, if not more than, the stars, and Keith had stared in awe as _he_ rambled on about hard-to-remember names and the stories behind them.

 

“I’m a Leo!” _he_ had beamed proudly. “What’s yours?”

 

“My what?”

 

“Your star sign! Your astrology zodiac! When’s your birthday?”

 

Keith had discovered that he was apparently a Scorpio, which made sense considering his love for the desert, he supposed.

 

“Huh, that’s weird, isn’t it?” _he_ remarked.

  
“What is?”

 

“Leo has the element of fire, and Scorpio has the element of water! Neat, huh? We’re the opposites of our paladin elements!”

 

Keith had nodded, heart pumping as _he_ grinned delightedly just like Pidge. _He_ really was more of a nerd than Keith had thought. It was cute, though.

 

Now, as Keith struggles to find words, he smiles nostalgically at the memory and looks to the sky. The words write themselves, and a poem soon sprawls across the page — a story of a beautiful lion and a lonely scorpion. In the end, the scorpion accidentally stings his love, and the lion dies, as beautiful as ever. Keith wants to crumple it up like the rest, but instead, he stares at the paper. It was all his fault. The paper lays unwrinkled and untouched as Keith curls in on himself instead.

 

-

 

_The Earth turns_

_the sun burns_

_but I die, without you_

 

-

 

It’s summer again. No matter how much Lance wants to turn back time, the Earth keeps turning, heedless of his desperate pleas. It was so easy in space, where time didn’t matter and days of playful banter never ended. It’s too late for regret, but Lance still can’t let _him_ go. Lance doesn’t think he can ever let _him_ go, but _he_ ’s already gone.

 

The sun is burning on Lance’s already tan skin, scorching hot enough to make the humid air waver. Everything is like a vision, blurry with the intense heat. As Lance buckles his little sister’s seatbelt in, the metal is scalding hot and he hisses with pain, thankfully managing not to swear in front of her. He’s driving her over to Hunk’s house for a birthday party (Hunk’s younger brother is her best friend) before heading over to the doctor for an appointment. For some reason, there’s been this aching pain, as scalding hot as the sun on his skin, and he feels genuinely awful. He has no idea why, but he has a burning fever that is only intensified by the horrible weather.

 

Hunk answers the door, and grins widely at Lance when he sees him. “Bro! I’m so glad you could make it, I can’t handle all these little tykes like you do. I don’t know how you resist their puppy dog eyes.”

 

Lance ruffles his little sister’s hair before gently pushing her over to the other children. “Hiya! I don’t resist them, I ignore them. There’s no way to say ‘no’ if you look them in the eye! And also, uh, sorry, but I can’t hang around long. Got a doctor’s appointment, I haven’t been feeling well lately - headaches, weight loss, fever, coughing… you know the drill.” Lance accidentally lets out a stream of hoarse coughs, emphasizing his explanation.

 

“Aw, that’s a bummer, but I totally understand!” Hunk grins and pats Lance’s back, before his smile softens in concern. “Hey, dude, if you ever want to talk, I’m here for you, you know? You’re not alone.”

 

Hunk has been with Lance since they were kids, and Lance has always been prone to illnesses, though not as much as of late. Lance gets the feeling he’s also referring to his emotional state.

 

“I know, it’s just… I miss…” _Him_ , Lance thinks, but he lies instead. “I miss space. I’m really glad I’m here with my family again — I don’t know what I would do without them — but at the same time, it just feels wrong.”

 

“I get what you mean. It’s totally weird, not having to wake up early and worry about saving the galaxy, but it was… I never thought I’d say this, but it was _fun_ , taking risks for once in my life,” Hunk admits, and Lance nods understandingly. Hunk has never been one to take chances, let alone life-threatening risks. “It was like having our own little family in space, and now we’ve gone our separate ways and drifted back to life. It feels like it was all a dream.”’

 

The ache in Lance’s chest reminds him that it’s not a dream. “Yeah… at least we stay in touch.”

 

“We should get together sometime! You, me, Pidge, and Shiro!” The last name goes unsaid, the one that should be there to make their little space family 5 instead of only 4. The ache tightens, and Lance clenches his hand into a fist.

 

“Haha, yeah, that would be fun,” Lance says. Hunk frowns.

 

“Lance, are you okay?” Hunk asks. Lance opens his mouth to say ‘yes,’ but Hunk shakes his head. “Ugh, that was a stupid question, of course you’re not. What I should’ve asked is, do you need me to come over? We can just hang out, one-on-one, and talk about it… or not, if it makes you uncomfortable. Whatever you need to help you stop hurting.”

 

Hunk is incredibly observant, critical but warm eyes drinking in Lance’s clenched fist and tight smile. Lance appreciates it, he really does, but he needs some time to his thoughts first.

 

“Sorry, Hunk, gotta get to my appointment on time, but I’ll totally catch up with you later, okay?” Lance smiles apologetically, and Hunk smiles back, leaning forward to wrap his arms around Lance’s bony form for a second.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141062530@N06/26290677517/in/dateposted-public/)

 

“For sure. Don’t forget!” Hunk says softly, and Lance practically melts into Hunk’s arms. He wants to stay there, but if he doesn’t leave now he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to. He reluctantly pulls away from the hug and sends Hunk a meaningful glance to show his appreciation.

 

“I won’t.”

 

The next time Lance stumbles over to Hunk’s to chat, it’s not to hang out — it’s to inform him of the fact that Lance is dying and there’s nothing he can do about it.

 

-

 

_Without you, the breeze warms_

_the girl smiles_

_the cloud moves_

 

-

 

It’s summer again. But not the intense, burning kind Keith is used to from the desert — no, it’s the lazy, warm kind, where the clouds drift aimlessly across a bright blue sky. It’s too cheerful for Keith’s rotten mood, but Keith can’t say he’s been happy in a while.

  
Keith once again scribbles hasty and almost unreadable words in his notebook, searching the sky for inspiration. The breeze, cool across his bare arm, sweeps across it, lightly tickling his skin so his hairs stand on end. It’s nice, he has to admit, and the cold wind warms slightly with the sun reappearing from behind the cotton candy clouds.

 

“I knew I’d find you up here.”

 

Katie Holt sits next to Keith on the roof, legs dangling over the edge. Keith is visiting the Holts with Shiro for a few weeks or so, but he’s not really in the mood for socializing. Pidge gets it, opening her laptop computer and tapping away at it, though she doesn’t put her headphones on. She hasn’t worn them at all since _he_ used to steal them from her.

 

“Katie,” Keith acknowledges the girl next to him.

 

Pidge scoffs. “Just because I dress all girly now doesn’t mean you have to call me Katie. I know it makes you feel awkward.” Pidge looks totally different with her hair grown out and swept into a high ponytail. She doesn’t even have glasses. A growth spurt has also helped her ego out, and she's just half a head shorter than Keith. It’s definitely still Pidge, though, with her signature ‘I know everything’ smirk. Despite her sharp gaze, there’s something soft to her smile.

  
“Pidge, then. It’s just weird, seeing you like this.”

 

Pidge gasps, mock-offended, and punches Keith in the arm playfully (though it still hurts). “Excuse you, I do not look weird. You should be bowing down to me, peasant.”

 

“Oh, I’m so sorry, your highness,” Keith flatly states, coaxing a giggle from Pidge.

[](https://www.flickr.com/photos/141062530@N06/41162875541/in/dateposted-public/)

 

“I never pegged you for a poet,” Pidge comments dryly. 

 

Keith sighs. “Me neither. Shiro somehow convinced me to ‘let out my feelings through words’ or whatever, and here I am, still writing crappy poems.”

 

She makes grabby hands for the notebook. “Lemme see! I wanna read your emo writing.”

  
Before Keith can say ‘no,’ Pidge snatches a page from the notebook and reads it. _Not that one,_ Keith thinks, knowing Pidge will know exactly what it’s about, but there’s no stopping the tiny genius when her mind is set on something.

  
It’s the story of the scorpion and the lion.

 

Pidge drops the paper after reading it. “Oh, Keith… You know it’s not your fault.”

  
Keith doesn’t say anything, only staring at the paper. _It is_ goes unsaid, because ultimately, it was his fault.

 

“Keith, look me in the eye. You’re _stupid_ if you really think what happened to — “ Pidge’s voice hitches— “if you think what happened was all your fault. We all had no idea.”

 

“I could have saved _him._ I should have. Pidge, I hurt _him!_ ”

 

Pidge’s tiny arms wrap around Keith’s middle. “I know you miss _him_. God, we all miss _him_ so, so, much. A day doesn’t go by where I don’t think of _his_ dumb face —“ Pidge laughs wetly — “but that doesn’t mean you have to suffer alone and bring yourself down. We both know you did everything you could.”

 

Keith only hugs Pidge back, sucking in air before exhaling it slowly. _Deep breaths,_ says Shiro’s dad voice in the back of Keith’s head.

 

“I’m scared,” Keith says like a child, and Pidge only hugs him tighter.

 

“I want to wake up and see him again. I want this to be a dream. I want- what do I want?” Keith starts to sob to someone other than Shiro for the first time, knowing he just sounds gross and needy. This is why he hates crying. He feels so helpless and weak.

 

“It’s okay to cry. Let it all out,” Pidge pats Keith’s back awkwardly. Keith lets out more muffled sobs as he buries his head into Pidge’s nice summer dress, and she doesn’t protest. Neither of them notice when the paper, carried by the warm breeze, flutters off like a bird and disappears into the summer sky.

 

-

 

_Without you, the tides change_

_the boys run_

_the oceans crash_

 

-

 

Lance misses the ocean. He’s home, here on Earth, but he’s never felt farther away.

 

The ocean is right there, outside the window, waves ebbing and flowing, lapping against the shore, seeming to both beckon and tease Lance. Lance smiles forlornly at a lovesick couple strolling down the beach, hand in hand, with huge smiles stretching across their faces. Lance was like that, too, not too long ago. Even if he wanted to, Lance can’t find someone new and just move on from _him_. It would feel like betrayal, and he doesn’t think he could love anyone as much. Given the state he’s in, it’s even more unlikely.

 

Some immature middle school boys run down the beach a few moments later, laughing and joking and pushing each other around. Lance used to be like that too — carefree, never knowing loss or true love. He watches them for a while before getting bored. Lance switches the TV on using the remote on the table next to his bed. Some cheesy Spanish soap opera plays, the main character wailing over her boyfriend who cheated on her. Lance rolls his eyes and changes the channel to something more interesting.

 

“— Five pilots from the Garrison, ranging from just 15 years old to 25 years old, embarked on a remarkable five year journey before returning just a year ago, saving Earth and the universe from destruction and proving the existence of alien life forms. These truly inspirational young heroes have all returned to their lives, requesting to not be disturbed in their personal lives. Unfortunately, one of these veterans never made it back home as his comrades did, and his name is Keith Kogane. He died an honorable death during battle at only 23 years of age, sacrificing his life for his cause.”

 

Lance’s finger hovers above the power off button, but he can’t will himself to press it.

 

“The other pilots are Takashi Shirogane, 31, an esteemed leader in both the Garrison and in space; Katie Holt, 21, a young genius who had been crossdressing as male in the Garrison to disguise her identity; ‘Hunk’ Garrett, 23, another genius who was studying to become a mechanic in the Garrison; and Lance McClain, 23, a cargo pilot at the Garrison.”

 

Lance didn’t have it in him to protest out loud to himself at the disregard for his fighter class status. Lance doesn’t care about the Garrison anymore.

 

“Sam Holt and Matthew Holt were both returned to Earth safely after being abducted by aliens during the Kerberos mission. However, the Garrison is still under heavy fire for hiding this information from the public and misinforming the world that all seven of these missing people were dead.”

 

Dumb Garrison.

 

“We still don’t know much of what happened out there, due to the pilots returning to their normal lives rather than living as celebrities, but we do know for sure that yes, aliens are real, and that last year we lost a truly admirable young man.”

 

Lance stares at the screen showing _his_ face. _He_ died with only a name, a slightly blurry Garrison photo of _him_ glaring at the camera, and only those who knew him to remember him. He had no family to return to like Lance did.

 

_He has you to grieve for him_ , a voice in the back of his head says.

 

_Not for long,_ he thinks bitterly, before taking his sleep medication and returning to a dreamless slumber. _But I’ll join him soon, at least._

 

-

 

_The crowds roar_

_the days soar_

_the babies cry_

_without you_

 

-

 

_Millions of people were cheering for them, but the only thing Keith felt was_ his _gloved hand in his. The rest of the world could disappear, but it wouldn’t matter as long as_ he _was next to him. The adrenaline pumped through his veins, and Keith let out an uncharacteristic whoop of victory, catching the blue-eyed boy next to him by surprise. Soon their enthusiastic cheers joined the loud chanting of the crowd, and the air buzzed with sound. Everything was fine — no, it was amazing. He had never felt happier._

 

_They returned to their homes soon after, and Keith was welcomed into_ his _family as if he had always been there. Days soared by — walks on the beach, petty arguments, dancing under the stars — and finally, the day came that Keith proposed._ He _said yes._

 

_Keith had never imagined romance, let alone marriage, but his marriage was probably the most wonderful wedding in the entire galaxy, and anyone who didn’t agree could stick it._ He _looked absolutely gorgeous, and Keith swore he could see fireworks go off when they kissed. Aliens from every corner of the universe attended, Hunk’s cake was heavenly, and they even danced to cheesy love songs that Keith had never heard. Shiro was sobbing tears of joy like an emotional mother, and Pidge had snapped a million photos, despite claiming to be immune to romance. Allura and Coran had congratulated them, curious about Earth’s strange customs, and Keith’s mother had even dropped by._ He _was radiant, his smile shining brighter than the stars, and Keith smiled so much he could feel his cheeks burning. It was the best day of his life._

 

_They had moved out and bought an apartment of their own in the city, getting jobs —_ he _, of course, was a model, with his award-winning smile, bright blue eyes, and flawless skin — while Keith was a writer, telling tales of far away worlds and people. They adopted children — a boy and a girl — and they both cried when they saw them. As the tiny babies cried,_ he _and Keith cradled them close, shushing them and singing lullabies so they fell asleep. They were so fragile and precious there in front of Keith, and he vowed he would protect them._

 

_The days once again swept by, and they watched their children grow from tiny babies to adults, into wonderful, beautiful, people; they experienced the ups and downs of parenting, and though it could be stressful, Keith wouldn’t trade it for the world. They grew, too, and when it was time for them to leave, they were there next to each other the moment they closed their eyes forever. They died peacefully in each other’s arms, having lived a full and happy life. Keith died without regrets or doubts…_

 

Keith opens his eyes and touches his cheek with his hand. It’s wet. Keith wishes it wasn’t just a dream. It could have been reality, if only…

 

Keith turns over and pulls the covers over his head before drifting off again. The next morning, his cheek is still wet, but he can’t remember why.

 

-

 

_The moon glows_

_the river flows_

_but I die without you_

 

-

 

When Lance wakes up again, the moon is glowing bright in the night sky over a glimmering sea. The water is silent now, almost still, and the only indication that time hasn’t stopped completely is the movement of the gray clouds across the night sky. He grabs the cool glass of water next to the bed and takes a sip.

 

“Hi, Lance—“

 

Lance nearly spits water all over the bed, but manages to only dribble some down his chin. The source of the jump scare is none other than _the_ Takashi Shirogane.

 

Shiro sheepishly waves while Lance struggles to maintain his dignity. After delicately wiping his chin, Lance turns to glare at Shiro, an eyebrow raised.

 

“Not that I’m not glad to see you, but… aren’t visiting hours over?”

 

“Ouch… well yeah, but they let me in.”

 

Lance doesn’t think anyone could say no to Shiro, the leader of Voltron who led the universe to peace and safety. The man is practically a myth, with a fan base mostly consisting of teenage girls fawning over him despite his request to remain unbothered.

 

“I haven’t seen you in a while, dude, how’re things holding up?” Lance tries to direct the conversation towards Shiro.

 

“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”

 

Lance sighs. This is exactly what he didn’t want. Shiro is an amazing leader and friend, but he is quite literally a dad in the sense that he’s always concerned and can’t just let Lance be when he’s not in the mood. “I’m in the hospital. Not much else to say. And you?”

 

“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable, but I’m your friend, and I want to help,” Shiro presses stubbornly yet softly. “Please, open up to me.”

 

Lance finally accepts that there’s no way Shiro’s letting it rest. He’s just so tired. “Okay, okay, so I’m not okay. Maybe I haven’t been for a while. Everything just sucks, ever since… you know. And I just found out I’m really sick with basically nothing I can do except pray and take pills that don’t do anything except make me high so it doesn’t hurt as much. None of that is as bad as losing _him,_ though. That’s what hurts the most, and I feel like I should be over it, but I’m not.”

 

“Oh, Lance… no one’s expecting you to move on. We understand. It still feels like _he_ should be right here with us. And it… it sucks.” Shiro smiles sadly, looking at the moon. “It sounds cheesy to say this, but I feel like _he_ is here with us. Looking at us from up there. And I feel like _he_ wouldn’t want you to be hurting over this. I’m not asking you to forget _him,_ but… I think _he_ ’d want to enjoy your life the best you can, for _him_ and for yourself.”

 

Lance nods slowly. He doesn’t know if he can enjoy the rest of his life like this. He can try, if it’s for _him._

 

“Please, if you ever need to talk, just talk to me. It’s never good to bottle things up, and… I understand. We all miss _him_ so, so, much.”

 

Lance nods again. He feels selfish for acting all dramatic about it while Shiro, the guy who’s known _him_ for most of his life as a brother, is trying to comfort him.

 

“Are you sure you don’t want to talk to me, bud?”

 

Lance shakes his head.

 

“Well, okay then, I’ll leave you to get your beauty sleep. Don’t hesitate to call me, or Pidge or Hunk, too. We all care about you.” Shiro softly sighs and turns to leave.

 

“Wait. Shiro… can you… tell me a story about _him_? When he was little?”

 

Shiro looks visibly relieved, and he cracks a smile as he begins to spin a tale of a little boy who loved the color red, hippos, and sharp things way too much. Lance felt his eyelids begin to droop, and he didn’t even have to take pills to lull him to sleep.

 

-

 

_The world revives_

_colors renew_

_but I know blue_

_only blue_

_lonely blue_

_Without you_

 

-

 

Sometimes Keith will hear an obnoxious yet contagious laugh spill and swerve around anticipating _his_ face stretched into a wide, impish grin. Instead, there’s nothing except thin air. He’ll spot a flash of tan skin and brown hair and be met with someone else, Keith sees little bits of _him_ in everything he does, and there’s no way to escape it. Anything blue reminds Keith of _his_ eyes. The rain reminds Keith of _him._ The ocean, the wind, the sky — everything.

 

Today is no exception. Shiro is out with Mr. Holt, Mrs. Holt, and Matt, but Keith and Pidge decided to opt out. The sky is an incredible shade of blue, and Keith is restless. He needs to get his mind off things.

 

“Let’s go back to my place.”

 

Pidge raises an eyebrow. “And why do we need to do that?”

 

“Well… there’s been some strange energy patterns in the desert again. Around twilight, actually. And I want you to check it out.”

 

“Ah, I see conspiracy theorist Keith is back in business? Sure, I’m up for a little adventure. Just let me get my stuff.”

 

Keith leaves a note to let them know that Pidge and he are heading back and might stay over for the night. After changing and grabbing her tech, Pidge hops on Keith’s hoverbike and they speed towards Keith’s desert shack. Pidge intelligently chose shorts over a dress this time, watching the world go by from the backseat. By the time they get to Keith and Shiro’s place, the sun is starting to set and nearing twilight.

 

“This old place. Where it all started, huh?” Pidge murmurs, looking at the now-clean shack. The conspiracy theory board is no longer up, replaced with a TV and some nice paintings. “Aww, no conspiracy board? I’m disappointed in you, Keith, how are you going to find Mothman like this?”

 

Keith rolls his eyes fondly and instead pulls out a notebook. “Look. The energy rises and plateaus as the sun sets, lowering only after the sun sets. It’s completely symmetrical, too.”

 

“The Twilight Zone,” Pidge wiggles her eyebrows. “That’s weird. Let’s hope we don’t have to go on another journey to save the universe.”

 

“It’s almost twilight. I guess I’ll go out and get the energy readings again to be sure if it’s consistent.”

 

“Sure thing. I’ll search the internet and see what it says.”

 

Keith salutes Pidge before leaving.

 

-

 

_Without you, the hand gropes_

_the ear hears_

_the pulse beats_

 

-

 

“Keith…”

 

Lance’s hand gropes wildly, searching for _his_ callused hand. Lance flinches in pain, grimacing as the fever rages on. His heart beat is loud and rapid, the pulse beating into his ears and through his body. Finally, another hand reaches his, warm and soft, and Lance smiles.

 

“Keith,” he rasps. His eyelids flutter so he can see a figure crouched over him. It must be _him._ Is Lance dying? He must be in heaven, then.

 

“Lance… it’s going to be okay, bud, hang in there! Please…” the voice says, breath tickling Lance’s ear. It sounds like they’ve been crying. Over Lance?

 

“I’m…not going…nowhere…” Lance tries to assure the person next to him. “Dun worry, Keith.”

 

“I’m sorry, Lance, I’m not Keith.”

 

“Grandma?”

 

The voice sighs. “It’s Hunk. Your best friend? C’mon bud, you remember me, right?”

 

“Hunkalicious…” Lance smiles, before coughing. Hunk directs a glass of water to his mouth and he gratefully sips from it. Of course, Lance is still alive, in the hospital with Hunk. Wait, when did Hunk get here?

 

“Shiro called me over when you started to look bad,” Hunk explains gently.

 

Shiro waves tiredly from a plastic chair by the window.

 

“Am I dying?”

 

“No, no, you’re — you’re gonna be just fine!” Hunk says hastily, as if trying to reassure himself too. Hunk would usually be freaking out in a situation like this, but when Lance is already in this state, it would only worry Lance if Hunk was nervous.

 

“I wanna see Keith.”

 

Hunk frowns. “Don’t you remember…? Keith’s not here anymore.”

 

“I know. I wanna see _‘im_ ,” Lance slurs.

 

Hunk only looks to Shiro, who shrugs in equal confusion.

 

“Desert. Where _‘e_ sleeps.”

 

“Oh. _His_ —?” Hunk seems to realize what Lance meant, before shaking his head fervently. “Sorry, but there’s no way you’re going out like this. You have to rest up.”

  
“I’m gonna die anyway. I just wanna see _him_ another time. Pleaaaase?”

 

“There’s no way! I — I can’t lose you too, Lance. You’re not going to die.”

 

Lance suddenly starts to cry, big tears rolling down his cheeks as he bawls like a baby. “Keeeith!”

 

Hunk looks torn, unable to tear his eyes away from the pitiful scene. What if Lance actually — would he die with regret and sadness if Hunk doesn’t take him now? Or will he just die if Hunk brings him like this? It’s inevitable, yet Hunk wants to believe that if he keeps Lance here, safe from the world, he won’t be hurt.

 

“O-Okay, just stop crying! Oh, what is your mom gonna say when I tell her this… Tell you what, as long as you agree to get in a wheelchair and don’t do anything stupid. How are we going to do this without getting in trouble? There’s no way the hospital staff will let us take off with him! I don’t even remember where it is.”

Shiro stands up. “I’ll take you there. And I”ll make sure we let them know.”

 

“You’re okay with this?”

 

Shiro looks sadly at Lance. “I wouldn’t want him to be heartbroken when he…passes. If this is his final wish, then… I will do everything in my power to make it come true.”

 

The hospital staff predictably objects to them taking off with their patient, but Shiro explains, and they can’t say no to Takashi Shirogane, so they reluctantly let them go, but not before promising to let Lance’s family know of the situation.

 

They carefully set Lance into the backseat of Shiro’s car before getting in. The ride there is silent other than Lance’s coughs and the “are we there yet”s. By the time they arrive at the old shack, it’s nearly twilight.

 

They set Lance down inside of Keith’s old shack. It remains untouched since they last were hear six years ago, the same messy array of things scattered everywhere and papers pinned to the wall.

 

“I’m feeling better, can I go out myself?” Lance says, apparently more awake, despite still being weak. “ _His_ grave is right out there, I don’t need to go far. I’ll just say goodbye to _him_ one last time before coming back.”

 

Hunk embraces him another time before smiling weakly. “I can’t stop you, can I? Holler if you feel sick, okay?”

 

“Yeah. Thanks, Hunk.”

 

Lance shuts the door behind him, leaving Shiro and Hunk in the musty cabin to stare at the floor and wait for him to return.

 

_-_

 

_Without you, the eyes gaze_

_the legs walk_

_the lungs breathe_

 

_-_

 

As Keith approaches the spot outside the shack where the energy spikes, the sun bobs low in the sky. His eyes gaze across the empty desert, sweeping for any life, but everything is dead silent. Why is he doing this? Maybe he just wanted to get away. The desert usually helps him get away from everything. Keith does what he knows best — he runs from his problems.

 

The sky is a breathtaking array of pastel hues, a magical, endless, sky, and wispy clouds drift across the sky. He sucks in the fresh air before slowly exhaling, his legs walking without him thinking about it. Something about it feels like it’s calling him to it. Does it have something to do with the energy?

 

[ _Twilight_ ](http://www.thisisbarry.com/single-post/2017/05/08/Kimi-No-Na-Wa-Your-Name-2016-Movie-Plot-Ending-Explained) _. Between day and night._

 

“Keith.”

 

Keith freezes, eyes wide in disbelief. There’s no way…

 

“Lance?!”

 

_When the world blurs…_

 

Time seems to stop as Keith breaks out in a run, following the source of the voice. “Keith? Where are you?”

 

“Lance! I’m here!”

 

… _and one might encounter something supernatural._

 

Just as the sun disappears behind the clouds and touches the horizon, Keith sees _him._

 

They only stare at each other. Keith thinks he might be crying, but he doesn’t care.

  
Keith feels his legs start to move, and before he knows it, he’s in Lance’s arms. _He’s_ real. It’s not a dream.  
  
“I’d recognize that mullet anywhere,” Lance says. Yup, it’s definitely Lance.

  
Before Keith can retort, he feels a laugh bubble inside of him, and they laugh hysterically, clutching each other to make sure they’re still there. He can’t remember the last time he’s laughed this much, and it spills out of him.

 

“Keith, oh god, Keith, it’s really you — am I in heaven?”

  
“What?”

 

“It doesn’t even matter, I can’t believe this, I-I’ve been so scared! I never thought I’d see you again, you idiot, I missed you s-so much!” Lance sniffles, tears streaming down his face.

 

“Are you kidding me? I haven’t spent one day of my life not wishing you were here next to me, and hating what I did to you. It should have been me. I’m sorry,” Keith says seriously, much to Lance’s dismay.

 

“Wha- you did nothing wrong, Keith, you didn’t deserve it. What are you talking about?”

 

Keith shakes his head. “Whatever, all that matters is that you’re here and you’re okay.”

 

Lance whimpers and buries his head in Keith’s chest. “It hurts…”

 

“What hurts? And why are you wearing hospital clothes? Lance, tell me, please, I won’t let anyone hurt you.”

Lance only shakes his head. “N-nothing, just a little sick. I’ll be okay, don’t worry.” He smiles, and Keith melts. Just seeing Lance again, having him right in front of him, is overwhelming, but he wants to believe it’s real. He wipes Lance’s tears away with his thumb and kisses his cheek. Lance blushes before kissing Keith on the lips, and they both hold each other close, not wanting to blink and be alone again. “I’m never letting you go, never again,” Lance says fiercely between kisses, his blue eyes bright. They both close their eyes and stay there, foreheads pressed together, lost in each other.

 

“I need to know this is real,” Keith says finally, pulling out a black marker and gently taking Lance’s arm in his hand before writing on it. “No looking, stupid!”

 

Lance dutifully shuts his eyes before taking the marker and writing on Keith’s bare arm. “There.”

 

“I love you so much, never forget that,” Keith says, embracing Lance again and closing his eyes. He repeats it until his voice is echoing in the empty air and the sun has set. Keith is alone again, and he finally looks at his arm.

 

_I will love you ‘till the day I die, mullet._ Keith laughs through the tears, and somewhere else, Lance is laughing with him.

 

_-_

 

_The mind churns_

_The heart yearns_

_the tears dry without you_

 

-

 

Team Voltron faced life-threatening situations every day. The universe and the lives of billions of people rested on its shoulders, but somehow, it almost always came out victorious. It only took one mission gone wrong to ruin it.

 

After five years of saving the universe, the team was ready to retire when a final mission arose. The fight was to save Earth, their home planet, from being attacked. The gravity of the situation weighed heavy on everyone’s mind, and they fought with every fiber of their beings. The stress got to the red paladin, and he accidentally injured his fellow teammate, though not fatally. Despite being worse for wear, the blue paladin was still alive, and he did not blame his love in the slightest. The red paladin was extremely guilty, but he kept fighting.

  
In one timeline, the red paladin did not notice his love being killed, and blamed himself entirely for having hurt the blue paladin and not being able to save him in time. _If only I could tell him that I’m sorry._ But the blue paladin was gone forever.

  
In another, the red paladin did notice his love being attacked, and shielded him, taking the fatal blow himself. The blue paladin watched as his love died in front of him. He was never quite the same after that. _I wish I never let him go._ But the red paladin was gone forever.

 

However, in both worlds, the separated lovers yearned to see each other again, and the rest of the team crumbled. They emerged from the battle victorious, but torn with grief. Was it really a victory at all?

 

The team finally retired and returned from the war that never should have been theirs to begin with, the closely bonded family growing distant and awkward, but they stayed in touch anyway. They were welcomed as heroes and saviors, but they wanted only to return to peaceful, normal lives. They slipped back into society, but they could never forget the life-changing experiences they had together. It felt so wrong to just be sitting idly at home.

 

The universe was safe, and that was all that mattered. In the midst of a war, what was one soldier worth? Some would say everything.

 

-

 

_Life goes on_

_but I'm gone_

_'cause I die, without you_

 

-

  
Hunk and Shiro are about to go check on Lance to see why he’s taking so long at Keith’s grave when Lance slams open the door, face flushed and eyes shining. His face is wet.

  
“You were right, Shiro. Keith really is still here.”

  
They take Lance back to the hospital, where his family is waiting for him. They sigh in relief when they see him, before scolding him for scaring them like that. Lance’s younger sister cries, saying she thought Lancey Lance was going to die, but Lance assures her that he’s okay.

 

The doctors are utterly confused when they check Lance’s vitals. He’s completely healthy again, any trace of the sickness miraculously gone, and Lance says he has a guardian angel up there watching out for him. He mysteriously has a message written on his arm in black marker — _I love you, dumb sharpshooter._

 

To celebrate, Lance gets the old team back together — him, Shiro, Hunk, and Pidge — and finds that it doesn’t bother him as much as he thought it would. It’s a bit awkward at first, until Lance and Pidge start making obscene references and Shiro and Hunk have to stop them. They grab dinner and get kicked out of the restaurant after “accidentally” starting a food fight among the entire restaurant. They then sing karaoke, and everyone cries at Lance’s rendition of _My Heart Will Go On._ They finally head back to Lance’s for a sleepover filled with pillow fights (why are there so many fights?), confessions and secrets, and bad movies. Lance still thinks about Keith, but it’s not nearly as painful as it used to be. Lance didn’t steal Keith’s life away from him. He’s not betraying Keith by living out his life — this is what Keith would have wanted. For him to be himself, to talk with friends, to be happy.

 

Lance has accepted it, but that doesn’t mean it’s all better. It still hurts, but for now, Lance thinks that he’s going to be okay.

 

-

 

_without you_

_without you_

_without you…_

 

_-_

 

_The most beautiful creature in the universe_

_mane soft and silky, like summer rain_

_eyes bright and blue, like a stormy sea_

_sat in the middle of a world that didn’t care._

 

_The only one who noticed the lion_

_was a lonely scorpion whose anger_

_was at the cruel, unfair world, which_

_thrust the spotlight upon him instead._

 

_The spotlight was not meant for the scorpion,_

_who shied away from attention and_

_thrived in the shade of security. So_

_he called the lion to come over._

 

_The lion was angry. Why? Why did he_

_who was born with privilege and talent_

_take pity on him? Was he so pathetic_

_that he had to take others’ charity?_

_  
The scorpion instead asked him,_

_‘I am lonely and wish for a companion_

_to share this scorching spotlight._

_Would you be so kind as to join me?’_

 

_The lion finally relented his pride_

_and stood next to the scorpion_

_basking in the spotlight with joy._

_The scorpion fell in love with the lion._

 

_The lion, however, soon grew tired_

_wishing to leave the spotlight as well._

_The scorpion was scared that he would be_

_left behind with only a spotlight._

 

_So the scorpion stung the lion._

_Gracefully, he fell from the spotlight_

_back into the cold, gray, world outside_

_and he left the scorpion in the light._

 

_The scorpion wished to save the lion_

_but he had grown accustomed to the light_

_and no longer wished to leave the warmness._

_He was too afraid to help his love._

 

_The most beautiful creature in the universe_

_mane soft and silky, like summer rain_

_eyes bright and blue, like a stormy sea_

_died in the middle of a world that didn’t care._

 

_The only one who noticed his death_

_was a lonely scorpion whose anger_

_was at his selfish, cowardly, self, who_

_was left alone in the scorching sunlight._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much for reading! This was a journey to write. Feedback to improve my writing would be amazing :) Once again I apologize for not finishing art for the entire story but I've been really busy and just decided to post it anyway. Maybe I'll get around to it someday.
> 
> My art Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/whodoesntlikepandasart/


End file.
